New step forward!

Well we finally completed the radiation treatment. 4 straight weeks of traveling to Rome everyday is done. Will start a new chemotherapy Monday called Avastin. It is an IV therapy that is taken only once every three weeks. Looking forward to some time to myself and maybe some fishing. This whole thing has just been too much. For someone who doesn't really like contact with people I don't know, having someone touch not my head everyday for 4 weeks has almost driven me the rest of the way to crazy. I got the results of my bone scan yesterday and thankfully we have only a couple of areas of interest. Will meet with my doctors soon to discuss those spots. It actually explained alot of the pain I've been having in my knee joint. I'm just glad to finally be seeing some progress and hopefully soon the light will be turned back on at the end of the tunnel. Keep praying and keep believing!! My name is Jason Horn, and I AM SECOND!!

What does "I AM SECOND" mean?

It's awesome the opportunities one simple bracelet brings to tell people about my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. I've often had times starting conversations with strangers about God and Jesus, then God directed me to the I am Second website and my whole world has opened up. One simple statement, I AM SECOND, but such a profound message. And so foreign in this day and age. A couple of weeks ago, the guy that was making the mask for my radiation treatment saw my bracelet and asked my if that was the name of my band. Without thinking, I said no that's not who we are, it's what we are. I almost missed the puzzled look on his face until I noticed that everyone in the room had stopped and was listening to our conversation. What had been a two person conversation, had now turned into an opportunity. So I explained to them that it meant God's will comes first in our lives and what we want, need, or desire is second. Lift up God and He will draw all men unto Him John 12:32. One of the ladies said, "Well that's a simple concept". and I said yeah but one that is so often overlooked. This world we live in tells us that if you're not first, you're last. Second place is the number one loser. But if we are ever gonna reach a lost and dieing world, we'll have to become second. Today at the social security office, I got the opportunity to spend about 3 hours dealing with our Federal Government. Sitting back watching people demonstrate what it means to not understand being second. Talk as loud as you want, don't worry about the people sitting around you, be rude who cares, don't bathe if you don't want to, cover yourself with perfume, after all. It's all about you!!! Then in the middle of all that to watch the security guard try her best to wait patiently, to help each person that came in, to hold doors for people, to answer questions all with a I AM Second attitude was amazing( some of them folks, I was ready to strangle). It's not about you. This world doesn't revolve around us. Jesus Christ gave us the simplest message He could. You can't dummy it down anymore or make it more bubba proof. 1. Love God. 2. Love Others. SIMPLE and yet so foreign. I am amazed at the ways that people have blessed us since this all started. The demonstrations of love they have shown us has been overwhelming. And as I stop and look I notice that in these acts, I see an attitude that demonstrates what it means to be second. I have someone that sends me a card at least once a month with a message and a $20 bill. I have received more words, sentiments, and more money from other people but this card just gets to me every time. It's not because of what it has, but because what it doesn't have. I have no idea who the card is from. I honestly believe it is my gift from God showing that there are people out there that don't need credit or recognition, they just want to show the love God has placed in their hearts. I appreciate all the gifts and I don't expect to get cards with no names. God wants me to know who I need to know is helping us so that we can show our gratitude for letting God use you. Thank you God for something so simple as the plan of salvation. Thank you for helping me and giving me the opportunity to serve You. I look so forward to what You have in store for us as a family, band, and group of believers. I look forward to serving You further and please continue to place people in my path. My name is Jason Horn, and I am SECOND!!!

Blessings from an Unexpected Source!!

My last blog, I discussed just how blessed we really are. I'm amazed at how God keeps showing up in different places and different people to show me how much He loves me and to bless me. I was really surprised tonight though while watching television that God can even use something as simple at a TV show to remind us He loves us. I come from a very musically talented family. Almost all the Horn's and Brimer's play an instrument or sing and on the other side I wish I had a dime for every song we have sang together. Music has always been a blessing to me. Tonight while watching Idol, we were all pointing out who we liked and who we don't. Who did good and who didn't. That is until the Last two performers took the stage. Then it was honestly like God just looked down from Heaven and said watch this. Joshua Ledet's cover of the Jennifer Hudson song You Pulled Me Through followed by Jermaine Jones' take on Luther Van Dross song Dance with My Father Again just simply blew me away. It's amazing how God reminds us that He is still here. I know that God has me in His hands and He is pulling me through all this that we are going through but the following song reminded me of a scene in the movie Courageous. The scene takes place outside a bank where the young girls gets out of the truck and asks her dad to dance with her. I remember sitting in the theatre watching this movie and this scene coming on the screen. Pam leaned over to me and said that wouldn't happen with you. You'd dance with her anyway. and honestly I would! Whether people think I'm crazy or not doesn't really matter to me. But the thing that hit me tonight while watching the final act on Idol was one simple question. Do I truly desire to dance with my Heavenly Father? I don't mean physically, but would I do something for Him that He asked me to do if it seemed goofy or if someone was looking. Would I step up with the same veracity that I do to show my children that I love them to show God that I love Him? When God sent His Son to this world to make a way for us to come to Him, He knew what He would face and He sent Him anyway. We are not facing no where near the same persecution today and yet we aren't stepping out to tell people about Him. So tonight's episode of Idol just got me to thinking, If I had the opportunity to stand before folks, what would I tell them? Where here is what I came up with. I don't understand why things happen like they do. I don't understand why people get sick. I don't understand why young people struggle and die. But nor do I understand why God loves us so much. I don't understand why He gives us so many chances. I don't understand why I am not doing more for Him in light of what He has done for me. and I don't understand how someone could love me so much to allow me to question Him who holds tomorrow. I do understand however that God does love me. I do understand that He cares for me and watches over me. And I do understand that He wants to do the same for everyone if we will just let Him. I do desire to dance with my Father now I'm just waiting on the music. My name is Jason Horn, and I AM SECOND!!

Blessed Beyond Measure!!

For I am Blessed beyond measure, and by His strength alone I overcome!! I never really stopped to take time to realize what those lyrics really meant until recently. I have always said that God has richly blessed me with a great wife and beautiful children. I have been blessed with a great job. Blessed with great bunch of guys with whom to minister through music. Richly blessed. However, I have learned recently that I had no idea how much RICHLY blessed means. It seems like everytime the Devil tries to attack us lately, God reveals another blessing. It seems like every week the hits just keep on coming, but God just keeps on blessing. I am truly thankful for all the blessing that have been sent our way. I never really had alot of faith in people and this whole situation has restored my faith in God's people. Thank you seems like such small words to convey the true sentiment we feel. We are truly blessed to have such wonderful people in our lives and we truly are appreciative!

On Your Mark, Get Set, Go!!!

Well tomorrow another new beginning as we start with the radiation therapy. I'm kinda torn between being excited and being scared. It's exciting in that so far the radiation is the only thing that has worked for my tumors short of removal. The original tumor that I had in my brain was irradiated on our anniversary on December 7th. It is now totally gone. The doctors decided to treat the remaining tumors on my lungs with chemotherapy which not only didn't effect the lung tumors, it didn't stop the growth of other brain tumors. So now we are moving forward more aggressively and that is a little exciting.
It is also very scary in that there are possible long term side effects. I can deal with losing my hair and some localized skin rash, but long term memory loss is scary. It is also scary in that if this doesn't work, options are limited. Can't exactly go in and remove my brain. I know that God still has all this under His control and that He will work this to my good, I'm just ready to move on past this and claim my victory. I'm ready for my miracle. Ready to get out and share what God has done for me. I don't like not feeling well enough to even leave the house most days. Getting dressed is now a chore. I'm ready to go forward for Him.
I am thankful for all the support that my family and I have been given and I know that there are prayers being lifted. So lets go ahead now and start planning our come back tour!!! I'm ready!!! After all My GOD's got this and this cancer has no hold on me!!! My name is Jason Horn, and I am Second!!!!

Hurry up and wait!!

Well it has taken me about 5 days to be able to actually sit down and write this blog. For the first time since this journey started, I found myself this past week mad for the first time. I had faced being scared, confused, worried, and several other emotions, but this was the first time I actually found myself MAD! Wednesday, we went into see the cardiothoracic surgeon, that was supposed to be setting up to go in and remove the 2 lesions off my lungs. After all the tests leading up to this surgery, I was already stressed out. Finally, I found myself sitting in the surgeon's office waiting. Looking forward to moving on with this whole journey, actually believing we were headed in the right direction. As the surgeon came into the room, I knew something wasn't right. The mood was somber and he told me that surgery on my lungs was no longer a priority. My most recent MRI now showed 4 new brain lesions. The lungs now take a back seat. I left the doctors office dazed and confused. For the past 9 weeks, we have delt with the side effects of the chemo because we felt it was actually helpful. Now I find out that not only has the chemo not kept the lesions on my lungs from growing, but I now have new brain lesions. I feel like we have wasted 9 weeks. My insurance will only approve ct scans and MRIs every three months and in the world on cancer treatment, that is a lifetime. I decided not to continue with the chemo. I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired for nothing. I met with the radiation oncologist that done the initial radiation treatment on the brain lesion that caused the seizures to begin with and he confirmed that the original lesion was gone. So the decision was easy to allow him to move forward with radiation treatments to the new brain lesions and the lesions on my lungs. So now that we have wasted the past 10 weeks, treatment wise,  we are moving on with radiation treatment starting February 22nd.

Since this all began, I knew that God has a purpose for us through this. This was the first time that I really questioned why. Everyone keeps saying that we are building testimony, but if I'm not able to get out and share the testimony, what's the point. I hate being sick. I miss my life! I felt like my treatments had let me down! I am beginning to question the outcome. I'm ready to just open my eyes and wake up from this nightmare. As the sick time runs out and the questions about providing for my family creep in, I find myself deeply depressed. I have a great family and great group of friends, and I know that they will always be here for us. I just don't want to be a burden. I feel like this whole journey has been, Hurry up and wait!! Pain has started creeping in. Sickness is getting more frequent. I don't feel like getting out of the house most of the time. Putting on clothes has become a chore. I feel like the light at the end of the tunnel has temporarily been turned off. God I know that it is all in Your hands, I just would like to know we are headed in a direction that will bring You glory. My name is Jason Horn, and I am SECOND!

Don't you care that we perish?

C.S. Lewis once wrote: “You never know how much you really believe anything until its truth or falsehood becomes a matter of life and death. It is easy to say you believe a rope to be strong as long as you are merely using it to cord a box. But suppose you had to hang by that rope over a precipice. Wouldn’t you then first discover how much you really trusted it?”

Every storm we face has a purpose and I believe that whatever storms we go thru in our lives, God can use those struggles
Ø to educate us
Ø to change us
Ø to challenge us
Ø to strengthen our faith in Jesus

Because it is only in the midst of the storm that we learn how much we really trust Jesus.

It’s easy to believe in Jesus when the skies are clear, and things are going smoothly, but when the storm gather and the winds blow and beat upon our lives… it’s then we have to examine our “Rope” - our Jesus - and see how much we trust Him. I don't question God as to why the bad things happen because I know I don't deserve the good things. I want to get out of this storm what God has for me. That doesn't mean I like it.

I would rather just be real and show the fear and reality of the situation because I don't believe that pretending everything is great, is just a lie. Jesus used a story about the disciples facing a storm to prove that Jesus is our strength even when we don't understand. The story in Mark is one of my favorite stories in the Bible. Men that had grown up in, on, or around the sea, knew the dangers of being on the sea in a storm. Their reaction is priceless to me. With salvation in the boat, they question their own safety. The question, "Don't you care that we perish?" is hilarious when you consider who the question is being directed to.

The story does however, illustrate the fact that proximity to Jesus will not shield us from storms. He never promised us that we wouldn't face hard times, He only promised that we wouldn't face them alone. I take comfort in the fact that these men, whom Jesus loved, caught the attention of Jesus and brought Him to His feet.

I know that today, I have God's attention because He loves me. I know that I have Jesus with me. We will face this storm together. Sometimes He calms the storm, and sometimes He calms me. My name is Jason Horn, and I am Second!!!