Still Going Strong

Well here we are one week into Chemo round number two. I am thankful that so far it has not been that bad. I've had a little nausea this time that I didn't have last time but so far my mouth is not as bad. I'm still having headaches but they are not as bad. Been able here lately to get out and walk 2 to 3 miles a day. That has helped alot just getting out of the house.This past Sunday, I lead worship at church for the first time in a while and although it completely wore me out, I really enjoyed getting back up there. I really enjoyed the service. I'm looking forward to tonight as well. I'll actually step back up in front of our youth group and lead our youth service tonight.
I have been greatly impressed by the acts of kindness that we have been blessed with since this all started. Some by friends and family, and also some by people I didn't even know. I was greatly impressed this past weekend by a group of youth from Liberty Hill Methodist Church in Heflin, Alabama. Not knowing me or most of my family, this group of youth saw a need and set out to assist us with this need. Not only did I not know any of them prior to last weekend, they didn't sit around and wait to be asked either. This group of young people set out to meet a need and prove that they understood what it meant to show God's love. They put together a dinner and a movie fundraiser. It would have been easy enough to just stop there but in between the dinner and the movie, they moved everything into the sanctuary for a service of praise and worship. We really enjoyed the Spirit and the example of that night. I'm thankful that through something as simple as Facebook, God put people into my realm of influence that actually have in turn blessed me and my family beyond anything we could have asked for. It's hard to complain about what we are going through when God is showing up through people in ways we couldn't have even imagined. We truly are blessed to be a part of such an immense and loving family. God continues to bless us through people and I am so thankful for all that has been done. Words just can't express how impressed we've been. Thank you all!!! God is Good!!! My name is Jason Horn and I am SECOND!!!

Give Me Your Eyes!

A couple of years ago Jonny Diaz came out with the song Give Me Your Eyes. Although its a beautiful song I never really gave it much thought. The idea just recently became clear to me. To see the world through the eyes of God really changes the perspective of things. It's amazing how things look so different when you view things through His eyes. If we take time to stop and view things the way He does, things become alot clearer. We spend so much time focusing our attention inward that we miss out on all the things that God has for us. I never really saw that until recently. It's not hard to see the needs of others when we are not focusing on ourselves. I've never really been good and putting others first. It is hard to look outward. Until I really learned what it meant to be second, I had no idea. God loves us and has a plan for us, but He will not force it on us. He is waiting on us to step up and see with His eyes, feel with His hands, and hear with His ears. We claim to be His and yet still have to be asked. I thank God that He doesn't require me to ask Him for everything I stand in need of. I can't help but think about what I'd have or wouldn't have if God required me to ask Him for everything I stand in need of. I believe that the closer we get to Him the more we will see as He sees, hear as He hears, and feel what He feels. All this requires us to look beyond our own little world. Believe it or not, life is not all about you. God wants to use each of us. But he will not force His will upon us. This world is dieing and going to Hell in a hand basket and we don't seem to care. Please prove me wrong. Show me that you understand how to look beyond yourself. Maybe everyone else is doing a great job at showing the world the love of Christ and I've just not seen it. When was the last time you lead someone to Christ. If I find a good restaurant, it doesn't take me long to find hungry people and tell them about it. This world is hungry for a God who loves them and all we have to do is lead them to Him with our words and actions. They are waiting on you, what are you waiting on? My name is Jason Horn, and I am Second!

It's Chemo Time Again!!

Well it's time for round two! I start my second round on chemotherapy today. So far, the side effects from the first round where not too bad. Not looking forward to the limited diet again but I am glad to be moving forward in my treatment. I still and may never will understand the reason behind this trial but I'm gonna learn from it and move forward. I am still having some minor seizure activity that is a little unsettling. The thought of being in public and having a full blown seizure is scary. The problem with a seizure is that there is not really anything that can be done once it starts. I was asked at church last night if I have asked God why? Why me? Why cancer? And my honest answer was no! How can I accept the good things that God has given me and the question the trials? I deserve nothing short of a life in Hell separated from God. For I am just a sinner that God chose to send His Son to die for. I surely didn't deserve that. Since I have been diagnosed, others have shared their cancer stories with me and it would be selfish for me to ask why I've been burdened with cancer when I didn't ask that question for anyone else. One of my youth asked the question "Why does bad things happen to good people?" That answer is finally simple. There is no such things as good people. Jesus himself, after being called "good master" said there is none good save one, God. God made me, knows the plan He has for me, and holds tomorrow in the palm of His hand, saw fit to saddle me with this, then there is a reason and although I am required to battle through it, it doesn't require my understanding. I know that God has allowed me to reach many people through this blog even that I would not have ever met other wise. God knows what He is doing! I can't see past the end of my own nose sometimes. I do not know what tomorrow brings but I do know that God loves me and somehow, He will work this to my good. My name is Jason Horn, and I Am Second!!

When The World Looks At You Do They See Jesus?

Had the most amazing weekend. I started out with a little relaxing time as my mom and step-dad treated us to a night at the Hilton Gardens in Oxford. Unfortunately, I wasn't feeling real good, but seeing my girls enjoy the indoor pool and hot tube was worth it. Really enjoyed just getting away for a little while. Then Sunday we topped the weekend off with a trip to Philips Arena in Atlanta for Winter Jam 2012. It was as awesome concert once we got inside. But the reason I am including this in my blog is because I couldn't help but notice the actions of certain people outside the arena. The concert was a pay at the door, first come - first served concert. We got to the venue 2 hours before the doors opened and started watching. As we stood in line on the sidewalk outside the arena, an Atlanta PD officer pulled up with a prisoner transport vehicle for Atlanta Police Department. My first thought was that they were bringing inmates to the concert. It didn't take long to realize that the transport was empty. They brought it to carry away people that were attending a Christian Concert!!! I told the rookie officer that he should have an easy night there because it wasn't a regular concert but a Christian one and He laughed and said maybe. The longer we waited, the more and more restless everyone grew. People, youth groups, had been in line for over 3 hours when we notices groups of people going to the other side of the road away from where the line was forming and walking to the front of the arena and crossing over and blending in with the people at the front of the line. People were not even shy about it. They started walking right around the people in line and going to the front and "blending in". I noted the words blended in because we had a group that actually came from the front to visit some students in line in front of us that tried to get the other students to come with them. One of the boys asked them where they were in line and they said that they had just gotten there but they walked straight up to the front of the line and just blended in. I told the students that I couldn't believe that not only had actually broke in line in front of people that had been waiting alot longer than we had, but were actually bragging that they pulled it off. It made me sick to my stomach. Are these the students that we are raising in our society today? The ones that think the rules don't matter to them because they deserve better? People that had waiting in line, like they were supposed to, for hours got turned away at the door because they were sold out. As we stood there watching what was unfolding in front of us, I noticed that in almost every case, the students were being "lead" by a leader. That's when I realized that the leaders were doing their job. The good ones had their students there early and stood in line while some others just did whatever they wanted. Then I realized that for the cops working the concert traffic, there wasn't alot of difference between the crowd at a Christian concert and any other concert. Why? Some people, youth groups, church groups, and church leaders, thought that they deserved what they wanted and so what about the testimony they were creating. Some groups were even brazen enough to cut line while wearing their church and youth group t-shirts( yes it is very hard to not name names. We  know who you are and God does too.) What testimony did we leave for the people on the streets of Atlanta? What testimony did we leave for the people working the concert? When they looked at the people that call themselves His, did they see Him? I hope and pray that given another opportunity, that showing Christ to a lost and dieing world would be more important than getting 2 isles closer to the stage. As much as I love concerts, I understand that the people up on stage are just that, People. No different from you and me, and definitely not worth causing someone else to miss an opportunity to hear the gospel. Thankfully, I don't have to live with your actions, you do! Youth leaders, just remember, we expect students to act like children cause they are. Someone has to give them direction and good or bad, that is your job. Next time ask yourself, Does the world see Jesus in my actions? If not, maybe it's time to rethink your actions. My name is Jason Horn and I Am Gladly Second!!

You Never Know Who You Are Influencing!

I have really began to dislike a certain trait in people that seems to have almost reached an epidemic level. NEGATIVITY! I really don't like to hear people that are always negative. No one lives their life without something positive you could focus on. If the you can't find something positive in the people around you, that says more about you than them. In the Book of Revelation, even when God had something that He needed to address, He still found something positive also. Having worked with teenagers for the last 10 years, I've learned probably more from them than they have from me. Like anyone else all they want is to be loved and accepted and all they want out of the people around them is to BE REAL!! No one wants to spend alot of time with someone that is always tearing down everyone else. You never know who is watching you. Your influence is wide and if you publicly confess to be a Christian, you may be the only contact some people will ever have with Christ. Jesus gave us the perfect example of how to influence people. Everywhere He went, He loved people. If we as the Called Out Ones can learn to love with the love of Christ in us, we too can influence many. Not the first invitation was sent out inviting people to hear Jesus speak and yet people followed Him everywhere He went. Everyone of us has baggage that we drag along with us wherever we go. We need to learn to turn this over to God and let Him turn it into testimony. You never know you is watching. We all live different lives, faced with different obstacles and different trials. I believe that God allows this not only to draw us closer and to teach us, but that others may learn from us also. He never promised us the road would be easy, He only promised us that we will never walk alone. Please focus on letting the world see Jesus in all aspects of your life. The person or persons you lead to or away from God, may be your own loved ones. My name is Jason Horn and I Am Second!!

Reality!!

Well it's been a few day since I posted so I thought I'd take the time to share some thoughts. First of all, I am doing  good at the moment. I'm on a two week break from chemotherapy so my mouth is healing up. Will start the second round on the 19th. I will then go back in February for them to rescan both my head and lungs. Then will still be possibly facing a couple more surgeries to remove the lesions from my lungs. Kinda looking forward to getting it all over with. Well that's enough about that.
I wanna take a few moment tonight to remind everyone to be real. I heard recently that as much as 75% of the people that attend church on Sundays are lost. Do people really believe that going to church makes them a Christian? If so, stay away from the cereal isle at the grocery store so you don't become a box of Fruit Loops. A church is a building where the a group of people meet to worship and learn about our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ. Going to church is not about religion. It is about a relationship with Jesus. That doesn't mean that we will not have hard times, or sickness, or loss; it only means we will not have to face any of those things alone. The reality is, that God is real whether or not you believe in Him and to call yourself His requires a few things. He said in His book, "if you love me, keep my commandments." We should be willing to put His will first in our lives. That doesn't require anything but obedience. Trust me, I've had a hard time with that lately. But he has also revealed alot to me through this. The most important things is that I don't have to be strong or have all the answers. WHEN I'M WEAK, HE MAKES ME STRONG!! I have someone that has taken my stripes and by His stripes, I am healed. The reality is that I belong to Him not because I go to a building sometimes, but because I gave my heart to Him and chose to surrender my life to Him. I am His and He is mine!! Thank you Jesus for loving me enough to care. My name is Jason Horn and I Am Second!
 

The River!!!

You know a dream is like a river ever changin' as it flows. And a dreamer's just a vessel that must follow where it goes. Trying to learn from what's behind you and never knowing what's in store. Makes each day a constant battle just to stay between the shores.
And I will sail my vessel 'til the river runs dry. Like a bird upon the wind, these waters are my sky.
I'll never reach my destination, if I never try. So I will sail my vessel 'til the river runs dry.
To often a song seems to say exactly what we are unable to do. Unfortunately we don't get to choose what hand we are dealt. If we got to choose, none of us would choose adversity. However, that is what God uses to build our character. Anyone can celebrate during the good times. It's being able to praise God even when things aren't going well. Life is constantly changing and we have to learn to adapt with it. Some days life is good but pretending that there are no bad days is not reality. I have decided to be real and not just tell people what they want to hear so be careful asking! Life doesn't revolve around pretense. Acting like everything is OK doesn't make it better. We as Christians need to learn to recognize needs in others without having to be asked. Jesus challenged us to be His hands and minister to people in need. The last time I checked hands are for working not listening. If you have to be asked then you are missing an opportunity to minister. We need to learn to be His eyes and ears. If we are the body of Christ, why aren't His arms reaching? Some people understand what it means to minister while others seem to miss the point. If you have to be asked then maybe your ministry radar needs calibrating. We get slammed so much by people that have learned to work the system that we can't see the people that really have needs. We need to learn to look with His eyes, listen with His ears, and reach out with His hands. Let God guide us don't just focus on the people we think need help. Just because someone has enough selflessness that they won't ask for help doesn't mean they don't need it. It's not about credit, it's about ministry. We miss opportunities because it doesn't fit into our idea of ministry. It's not about you, it's all about Him!! Once we as God's chosen learn that, maybe we can start to reach a lost and dieing world. Just because someone doesn't ask doesn't mean they don't need help. Prayer works but God gave us hands and feet too. Just something to think about. My name is Jason Horn and I Am Second!!!

Under a Microscope!

Ever wonder what it would feel like to have people watching every move you make. Listening to every word you say. Well it's difficult. I started this journey and this blog not knowing what was laying in store for me. I have fought battle after battle and haven't really stopped long enough to even think about what it all means. Don't get me wrong, I have been blessed and touched by the prayer requests of so many people. People, I don't even know, stop me at Walmart and tell me that they are praying for me. Through the world of Facebook, the journey of Jason Horn is getting out. Pam is helping me sharing it with as many people as we can. People have sent emails, texts, and personal messages about how they have been blessed through watching us go through this journey. It's just scary knowing that many people are following us on this journey. I have my own expectations out of all of this and I know God will work it too my good, but I don't want people to be disappointed by the outcome or my dealings with this journey. I truly don't know what God has in store through this. I have always been a private person, and the attention is overwhelming sometimes. I have always said that I care more about what people think of God because of me than I care what they think about me. Although that still rings true, it has become increasingly more difficult to separate the two. I am not as strong as some people think I am. I have nights that I cry myself to sleep praying that God will let me see my girls grow up. How do I explain that to a group of teenage youth that are looking to me for answers? I simply don't have the answers. What do I tell people when they ask how I feel? The truth? No one wants to hear that. Next time someone asks you how you are doing, take the time to tell them and see how long they listen. People want the good news not the truth. Truth is It's hard! I am fighting cancer! That's how I'm doing! My mouth is sore, my head hurts, my joint hurts, I'm worried about what's gonna happen when my sick time runs out, I'm stressed about not being able to drive, I'm stressed about my job, I miss doing ministry. That is how I feel. When people ask how I'm doing I almost laugh. The steroid has helped me to gain 30 pounds. Nothing I own fits.I now want to loose weight more than ever. I know I have to eat, but I don't want to. I need to walk to lose weight, but my painful swollen joints make it difficult. My life sucks at the moment, THAT IS HOW I'M FEELING!! I hope that is OK to say because it is the truth. Even as I'm typing this I'm debating over whether or not to share this blog. Do people really want the truth or do they just want the feel good part? I have been blessed through this and I am truly thankful for all the prayer requests going up for my family and I! I just ask that people understand that I am a real person with fears and feelings too. Sometimes I ask that you understand when I'm rude and obnoxious. I do sometimes just want to be alone. I have learned to be alone surrounded by people. It's not personal! The medication, being sick, being dependent on others and the uncertainty of tomorrow sometimes becomes to heavy a load to bare. Living life in a fish bowl is difficult and I pray for patience through this. Thank you! My name is Jason Horn and I am Second!!

Am I Second?

A couple of years ago, I got introduced to a website call iamsecond.com. It is a website that gives some famous Christian people a venue to share their testimony. There are people on there from all walks of life. Race car Drivers, Actors, Athletes, Rockers, you name it they got it. It allows you a glimpse into there world. I adopted this website as a ministry tool not only for myself, but I also introduced it to my youth group and to groups I got the opportunity to stand up in front of. I bought stickers and bracelets that say iamsecond to remind me. I am second is a concept that is based on the will of God being first in my life. What He wants comes first. When I was a firefighter I adopted a favorite Scripture and actually wore it into battle on my helmet. The scripture was "If we live, we live for the Lord; and if we die, we die for the Lord. Therefore, whether we live or die, we belong to the Lord. Romans 14:8". Yesterday as I was looking back on my life, I was reminded of this scripture and realized the similarity with the theme of I am Second. I was kinda surprised that I had stopped using this scripture. Before I would enter a burning house, I'd quote Romans 14:8. I haven't stopped to realize until now that everyday we face is a life threatening situation. That fact got me to questioning whether or not I truly understood what it meant to be second. I've questioned my situation and questioned the reasoning behind it. I've doubted the outcome. I've found myself at times down. I had to stop and ask what changed. Before I was diagnosed on October 28th, 2011, I had no problem saying I am second. God's will for my life, is my will for my life. It was only after His will for my life went a different direction than my will did that I started to question and doubt. As long as everything was going good, I had no problems. That doesn't sound like what I've been preaching. Today is January 1st, 2012. Start of a new year. Today I pledge to trust in Christ with my life as I have in the past. He brought me out of every burning building I ever entered and I know if it be His will, He will bring me through this. But I will trust in Him. If I live, I live for the Lord; and if I die, I die for the Lord. Therefore, whether I live or die, I belong to the Lord. Happy New Year now has a new meaning. My name is Jason Horn and I Am Second!!!