The End of A Trying Year!

Goodbye 2011! Never thought I'd be so happy to see a year go by. 2011 has been a very trying year. It's amazing how so much happened in one year. The loss of my childhood home to fire, the loss of my maternal grandfather, and to top it off, diagnosed with cancer 22 days after my 38th birthday. It's almost enough to make you wanna quit. My life has been in a tail spin since my diagnosis on Oct. 28th. Since then I've not been able to work, which was my place of refuge and spiritual strength. I have taken great pride in my job and the fact that for 7 1/2 years I had not missed but a handful of days to being sick. I had accumulated over 600 hours that I thought I'd never have to use. Little did I know that this was a preparation God had been setting up for years. My boss, who is not only my best friend, had quickly become my spiritual teacher and fellow student of the word. It is awesome to work in a place where God is the focus. The work is always easier when you realize the it is second to God. Now it's been two months since I have worked a day. I went from working 6 days a week for 7 1/2 years to 0 days in two months. It takes a lot out of you being dependent on other people. I can't legally drive. I can't work. I am freaked out by being in public scared to death I'm gonna have another seizure. I haven't been on stage with my band since the first weekend in November. I am anxious to get back out there but I'm also scared. I have taken some time away from teaching the youth at church because of fatigue, sickness, and doctors appointments. A couple times since this all started, I have participated in worship during our services at church but I'm not leading. All the things that I find strenght in have seemingly been taken from me. At times I want to question as to why this is all happening. I don't understand any of it and I sure don't think it's fair. But I know we were never promised it would be fair only that He'd always be with us. That's all well and good if I could just see the end! If I could just get a glimpse of the future and know that everything is gonna be OK! I guess that wouldn't require any faith. I just need some reassurance I guess. I am secure in knowing where I'm going when I die. But I guess I never stopped to think that any time soon. I know that whatever God has in store for my life that He's has promised to work it out to my good, it's just scary not knowing what that entails. For now, I am saying goodbye to a very trying and very hard 2011. God has showed me through 2011 that I truly am second and as I embark on 2012, I pray that God will continue to use me to spread His message. I pray for strength to endure through this trial and watch as God turns it into testimony. I look forward to getting back out there and spreading His word and using this trial to help others. I ask for your continued prayer and support as we face this new year and thank you for all your prayers and support in 2011. I know that I am truly blessed to have such a large and diverse support group. I love you all and you have definitely helped to lighten my load. My name is Jason Horn and I AM SECOND!!!