New step forward!

Well we finally completed the radiation treatment. 4 straight weeks of traveling to Rome everyday is done. Will start a new chemotherapy Monday called Avastin. It is an IV therapy that is taken only once every three weeks. Looking forward to some time to myself and maybe some fishing. This whole thing has just been too much. For someone who doesn't really like contact with people I don't know, having someone touch not my head everyday for 4 weeks has almost driven me the rest of the way to crazy. I got the results of my bone scan yesterday and thankfully we have only a couple of areas of interest. Will meet with my doctors soon to discuss those spots. It actually explained alot of the pain I've been having in my knee joint. I'm just glad to finally be seeing some progress and hopefully soon the light will be turned back on at the end of the tunnel. Keep praying and keep believing!! My name is Jason Horn, and I AM SECOND!!

What does "I AM SECOND" mean?

It's awesome the opportunities one simple bracelet brings to tell people about my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. I've often had times starting conversations with strangers about God and Jesus, then God directed me to the I am Second website and my whole world has opened up. One simple statement, I AM SECOND, but such a profound message. And so foreign in this day and age. A couple of weeks ago, the guy that was making the mask for my radiation treatment saw my bracelet and asked my if that was the name of my band. Without thinking, I said no that's not who we are, it's what we are. I almost missed the puzzled look on his face until I noticed that everyone in the room had stopped and was listening to our conversation. What had been a two person conversation, had now turned into an opportunity. So I explained to them that it meant God's will comes first in our lives and what we want, need, or desire is second. Lift up God and He will draw all men unto Him John 12:32. One of the ladies said, "Well that's a simple concept". and I said yeah but one that is so often overlooked. This world we live in tells us that if you're not first, you're last. Second place is the number one loser. But if we are ever gonna reach a lost and dieing world, we'll have to become second. Today at the social security office, I got the opportunity to spend about 3 hours dealing with our Federal Government. Sitting back watching people demonstrate what it means to not understand being second. Talk as loud as you want, don't worry about the people sitting around you, be rude who cares, don't bathe if you don't want to, cover yourself with perfume, after all. It's all about you!!! Then in the middle of all that to watch the security guard try her best to wait patiently, to help each person that came in, to hold doors for people, to answer questions all with a I AM Second attitude was amazing( some of them folks, I was ready to strangle). It's not about you. This world doesn't revolve around us. Jesus Christ gave us the simplest message He could. You can't dummy it down anymore or make it more bubba proof. 1. Love God. 2. Love Others. SIMPLE and yet so foreign. I am amazed at the ways that people have blessed us since this all started. The demonstrations of love they have shown us has been overwhelming. And as I stop and look I notice that in these acts, I see an attitude that demonstrates what it means to be second. I have someone that sends me a card at least once a month with a message and a $20 bill. I have received more words, sentiments, and more money from other people but this card just gets to me every time. It's not because of what it has, but because what it doesn't have. I have no idea who the card is from. I honestly believe it is my gift from God showing that there are people out there that don't need credit or recognition, they just want to show the love God has placed in their hearts. I appreciate all the gifts and I don't expect to get cards with no names. God wants me to know who I need to know is helping us so that we can show our gratitude for letting God use you. Thank you God for something so simple as the plan of salvation. Thank you for helping me and giving me the opportunity to serve You. I look so forward to what You have in store for us as a family, band, and group of believers. I look forward to serving You further and please continue to place people in my path. My name is Jason Horn, and I am SECOND!!!

Blessings from an Unexpected Source!!

My last blog, I discussed just how blessed we really are. I'm amazed at how God keeps showing up in different places and different people to show me how much He loves me and to bless me. I was really surprised tonight though while watching television that God can even use something as simple at a TV show to remind us He loves us. I come from a very musically talented family. Almost all the Horn's and Brimer's play an instrument or sing and on the other side I wish I had a dime for every song we have sang together. Music has always been a blessing to me. Tonight while watching Idol, we were all pointing out who we liked and who we don't. Who did good and who didn't. That is until the Last two performers took the stage. Then it was honestly like God just looked down from Heaven and said watch this. Joshua Ledet's cover of the Jennifer Hudson song You Pulled Me Through followed by Jermaine Jones' take on Luther Van Dross song Dance with My Father Again just simply blew me away. It's amazing how God reminds us that He is still here. I know that God has me in His hands and He is pulling me through all this that we are going through but the following song reminded me of a scene in the movie Courageous. The scene takes place outside a bank where the young girls gets out of the truck and asks her dad to dance with her. I remember sitting in the theatre watching this movie and this scene coming on the screen. Pam leaned over to me and said that wouldn't happen with you. You'd dance with her anyway. and honestly I would! Whether people think I'm crazy or not doesn't really matter to me. But the thing that hit me tonight while watching the final act on Idol was one simple question. Do I truly desire to dance with my Heavenly Father? I don't mean physically, but would I do something for Him that He asked me to do if it seemed goofy or if someone was looking. Would I step up with the same veracity that I do to show my children that I love them to show God that I love Him? When God sent His Son to this world to make a way for us to come to Him, He knew what He would face and He sent Him anyway. We are not facing no where near the same persecution today and yet we aren't stepping out to tell people about Him. So tonight's episode of Idol just got me to thinking, If I had the opportunity to stand before folks, what would I tell them? Where here is what I came up with. I don't understand why things happen like they do. I don't understand why people get sick. I don't understand why young people struggle and die. But nor do I understand why God loves us so much. I don't understand why He gives us so many chances. I don't understand why I am not doing more for Him in light of what He has done for me. and I don't understand how someone could love me so much to allow me to question Him who holds tomorrow. I do understand however that God does love me. I do understand that He cares for me and watches over me. And I do understand that He wants to do the same for everyone if we will just let Him. I do desire to dance with my Father now I'm just waiting on the music. My name is Jason Horn, and I AM SECOND!!

Blessed Beyond Measure!!

For I am Blessed beyond measure, and by His strength alone I overcome!! I never really stopped to take time to realize what those lyrics really meant until recently. I have always said that God has richly blessed me with a great wife and beautiful children. I have been blessed with a great job. Blessed with great bunch of guys with whom to minister through music. Richly blessed. However, I have learned recently that I had no idea how much RICHLY blessed means. It seems like everytime the Devil tries to attack us lately, God reveals another blessing. It seems like every week the hits just keep on coming, but God just keeps on blessing. I am truly thankful for all the blessing that have been sent our way. I never really had alot of faith in people and this whole situation has restored my faith in God's people. Thank you seems like such small words to convey the true sentiment we feel. We are truly blessed to have such wonderful people in our lives and we truly are appreciative!

On Your Mark, Get Set, Go!!!

Well tomorrow another new beginning as we start with the radiation therapy. I'm kinda torn between being excited and being scared. It's exciting in that so far the radiation is the only thing that has worked for my tumors short of removal. The original tumor that I had in my brain was irradiated on our anniversary on December 7th. It is now totally gone. The doctors decided to treat the remaining tumors on my lungs with chemotherapy which not only didn't effect the lung tumors, it didn't stop the growth of other brain tumors. So now we are moving forward more aggressively and that is a little exciting.
It is also very scary in that there are possible long term side effects. I can deal with losing my hair and some localized skin rash, but long term memory loss is scary. It is also scary in that if this doesn't work, options are limited. Can't exactly go in and remove my brain. I know that God still has all this under His control and that He will work this to my good, I'm just ready to move on past this and claim my victory. I'm ready for my miracle. Ready to get out and share what God has done for me. I don't like not feeling well enough to even leave the house most days. Getting dressed is now a chore. I'm ready to go forward for Him.
I am thankful for all the support that my family and I have been given and I know that there are prayers being lifted. So lets go ahead now and start planning our come back tour!!! I'm ready!!! After all My GOD's got this and this cancer has no hold on me!!! My name is Jason Horn, and I am Second!!!!

Hurry up and wait!!

Well it has taken me about 5 days to be able to actually sit down and write this blog. For the first time since this journey started, I found myself this past week mad for the first time. I had faced being scared, confused, worried, and several other emotions, but this was the first time I actually found myself MAD! Wednesday, we went into see the cardiothoracic surgeon, that was supposed to be setting up to go in and remove the 2 lesions off my lungs. After all the tests leading up to this surgery, I was already stressed out. Finally, I found myself sitting in the surgeon's office waiting. Looking forward to moving on with this whole journey, actually believing we were headed in the right direction. As the surgeon came into the room, I knew something wasn't right. The mood was somber and he told me that surgery on my lungs was no longer a priority. My most recent MRI now showed 4 new brain lesions. The lungs now take a back seat. I left the doctors office dazed and confused. For the past 9 weeks, we have delt with the side effects of the chemo because we felt it was actually helpful. Now I find out that not only has the chemo not kept the lesions on my lungs from growing, but I now have new brain lesions. I feel like we have wasted 9 weeks. My insurance will only approve ct scans and MRIs every three months and in the world on cancer treatment, that is a lifetime. I decided not to continue with the chemo. I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired for nothing. I met with the radiation oncologist that done the initial radiation treatment on the brain lesion that caused the seizures to begin with and he confirmed that the original lesion was gone. So the decision was easy to allow him to move forward with radiation treatments to the new brain lesions and the lesions on my lungs. So now that we have wasted the past 10 weeks, treatment wise,  we are moving on with radiation treatment starting February 22nd.

Since this all began, I knew that God has a purpose for us through this. This was the first time that I really questioned why. Everyone keeps saying that we are building testimony, but if I'm not able to get out and share the testimony, what's the point. I hate being sick. I miss my life! I felt like my treatments had let me down! I am beginning to question the outcome. I'm ready to just open my eyes and wake up from this nightmare. As the sick time runs out and the questions about providing for my family creep in, I find myself deeply depressed. I have a great family and great group of friends, and I know that they will always be here for us. I just don't want to be a burden. I feel like this whole journey has been, Hurry up and wait!! Pain has started creeping in. Sickness is getting more frequent. I don't feel like getting out of the house most of the time. Putting on clothes has become a chore. I feel like the light at the end of the tunnel has temporarily been turned off. God I know that it is all in Your hands, I just would like to know we are headed in a direction that will bring You glory. My name is Jason Horn, and I am SECOND!

Don't you care that we perish?

C.S. Lewis once wrote: “You never know how much you really believe anything until its truth or falsehood becomes a matter of life and death. It is easy to say you believe a rope to be strong as long as you are merely using it to cord a box. But suppose you had to hang by that rope over a precipice. Wouldn’t you then first discover how much you really trusted it?”

Every storm we face has a purpose and I believe that whatever storms we go thru in our lives, God can use those struggles
Ø to educate us
Ø to change us
Ø to challenge us
Ø to strengthen our faith in Jesus

Because it is only in the midst of the storm that we learn how much we really trust Jesus.

It’s easy to believe in Jesus when the skies are clear, and things are going smoothly, but when the storm gather and the winds blow and beat upon our lives… it’s then we have to examine our “Rope” - our Jesus - and see how much we trust Him. I don't question God as to why the bad things happen because I know I don't deserve the good things. I want to get out of this storm what God has for me. That doesn't mean I like it.

I would rather just be real and show the fear and reality of the situation because I don't believe that pretending everything is great, is just a lie. Jesus used a story about the disciples facing a storm to prove that Jesus is our strength even when we don't understand. The story in Mark is one of my favorite stories in the Bible. Men that had grown up in, on, or around the sea, knew the dangers of being on the sea in a storm. Their reaction is priceless to me. With salvation in the boat, they question their own safety. The question, "Don't you care that we perish?" is hilarious when you consider who the question is being directed to.

The story does however, illustrate the fact that proximity to Jesus will not shield us from storms. He never promised us that we wouldn't face hard times, He only promised that we wouldn't face them alone. I take comfort in the fact that these men, whom Jesus loved, caught the attention of Jesus and brought Him to His feet.

I know that today, I have God's attention because He loves me. I know that I have Jesus with me. We will face this storm together. Sometimes He calms the storm, and sometimes He calms me. My name is Jason Horn, and I am Second!!!

I Am Second!!

I am second has become a way of life for me. I found the Iamsecond.com website several years ago and I have fallen in love with this ministry tool. This weekend though I got to live what its like to be the focus of a group showing that they know what it means to be second. The 10-12 grade Sunday school class showed up at my house Saturday morning and worked for almost 2 hours cleaning my yard, washing my windows, and washing our van. I was so overwhelmed by the ministry those students put out. Sometimes I wonder if anything we teach to our young people is sinking in then they just show up and show out. God has blessed us with a great group of youth and I am blessed to be able to work with them. It's funny how people sit back and say because God didn't call them to preach, or sing, or teach, or play an instrument that they can't minister, OUR YOUTH PROVED DIFFERENT!!! Cleaning windows, cleaning gutters, cleaning yards, washing vehicles are not considered normal ministries but maybe that is the problem. Somewhere along the way ministry got stuck with the idea that it can only be done within the walls of the church. Actually that couldn't be further than the truth. What we do on Sunday and Wednesday is worship and learning how to serve. The problem with the church today is that somewhere along the way, going to a church building began being considered as service instead of duty. The bible tells us to assemble together. That's not service. This world we are passing through needs to know that there is more to Christians than being "CHURCH FOLKS". It is about a relationship not religion. Jesus had people following Him everywhere He went because He showed the love He had in His heart, not because He invited them to church. The world doesn't need someone else trying to get them to conform to a set of standards that we ourselves don't even conform to. The world needs the love of Christ and they need to see that example come from those of us that claim to be His. We are not of this world, its time to stop conforming and let God start transforming! The world needs us as the body of Christ to show that we are about showing the love of Christ and proving that we know what it means to be Second! My name is Jason Horn, and I am Second!

Looking For Answers

So far I've made it without a whole lot of questions. I don't understand why we are having to go through all of this and I haven't questioned it. I know that everything happens for a reason and that God will work this to my good. I would just like a hint as to when. This has been going on for 3 months now. Three months of not working and providing for my family. Three months of not driving, not teaching like I normally do, no hunting, and not ministering through music like I'm used too. It's hard in this day and age with the current economy to try to survive in a ministry that requires financial support when you can't get out and play. I greatly miss leading worship. Spending time with my brothers-in-Christ leading other believers in worship. Even leading worship at my own church has gotten almost impossible. When I am able to be there, I don't have the strength to lead. I am not doubting or questioning God's reasoning behind this, but I'm ready to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I don't mind suffering for my God because I know He suffered for me so I consider it a privilege. I do have a little trouble with my family having to suffer. As the financial and spiritual leader of my family, I don't like not being able to be that leader for them. I am trying to raise two girls to grow up putting God first and searching for God in any man they will ever consider dating. I don't like them seeing a father that can't work and most of the time don't have the strength to take them to church. I grew up with a jacked up view of God because of the father figures I grew up with in my life and I wouldn't wish that on anyone especially not my girls. Please God I'm not asking for any special treatment, just a little relief. I know that the testimony we are building is gonna be awesome, I am just ready to get out there and share it. I know that God will not bring us to any valley that He hasn't already made a way through it for us. God I'm asking for strength, guidance, and relief. I love you and I pray that Your will be done. My name is Jason Horn, and I am SECOND!!

Still Going Strong

Well here we are one week into Chemo round number two. I am thankful that so far it has not been that bad. I've had a little nausea this time that I didn't have last time but so far my mouth is not as bad. I'm still having headaches but they are not as bad. Been able here lately to get out and walk 2 to 3 miles a day. That has helped alot just getting out of the house.This past Sunday, I lead worship at church for the first time in a while and although it completely wore me out, I really enjoyed getting back up there. I really enjoyed the service. I'm looking forward to tonight as well. I'll actually step back up in front of our youth group and lead our youth service tonight.
I have been greatly impressed by the acts of kindness that we have been blessed with since this all started. Some by friends and family, and also some by people I didn't even know. I was greatly impressed this past weekend by a group of youth from Liberty Hill Methodist Church in Heflin, Alabama. Not knowing me or most of my family, this group of youth saw a need and set out to assist us with this need. Not only did I not know any of them prior to last weekend, they didn't sit around and wait to be asked either. This group of young people set out to meet a need and prove that they understood what it meant to show God's love. They put together a dinner and a movie fundraiser. It would have been easy enough to just stop there but in between the dinner and the movie, they moved everything into the sanctuary for a service of praise and worship. We really enjoyed the Spirit and the example of that night. I'm thankful that through something as simple as Facebook, God put people into my realm of influence that actually have in turn blessed me and my family beyond anything we could have asked for. It's hard to complain about what we are going through when God is showing up through people in ways we couldn't have even imagined. We truly are blessed to be a part of such an immense and loving family. God continues to bless us through people and I am so thankful for all that has been done. Words just can't express how impressed we've been. Thank you all!!! God is Good!!! My name is Jason Horn and I am SECOND!!!

Give Me Your Eyes!

A couple of years ago Jonny Diaz came out with the song Give Me Your Eyes. Although its a beautiful song I never really gave it much thought. The idea just recently became clear to me. To see the world through the eyes of God really changes the perspective of things. It's amazing how things look so different when you view things through His eyes. If we take time to stop and view things the way He does, things become alot clearer. We spend so much time focusing our attention inward that we miss out on all the things that God has for us. I never really saw that until recently. It's not hard to see the needs of others when we are not focusing on ourselves. I've never really been good and putting others first. It is hard to look outward. Until I really learned what it meant to be second, I had no idea. God loves us and has a plan for us, but He will not force it on us. He is waiting on us to step up and see with His eyes, feel with His hands, and hear with His ears. We claim to be His and yet still have to be asked. I thank God that He doesn't require me to ask Him for everything I stand in need of. I can't help but think about what I'd have or wouldn't have if God required me to ask Him for everything I stand in need of. I believe that the closer we get to Him the more we will see as He sees, hear as He hears, and feel what He feels. All this requires us to look beyond our own little world. Believe it or not, life is not all about you. God wants to use each of us. But he will not force His will upon us. This world is dieing and going to Hell in a hand basket and we don't seem to care. Please prove me wrong. Show me that you understand how to look beyond yourself. Maybe everyone else is doing a great job at showing the world the love of Christ and I've just not seen it. When was the last time you lead someone to Christ. If I find a good restaurant, it doesn't take me long to find hungry people and tell them about it. This world is hungry for a God who loves them and all we have to do is lead them to Him with our words and actions. They are waiting on you, what are you waiting on? My name is Jason Horn, and I am Second!

It's Chemo Time Again!!

Well it's time for round two! I start my second round on chemotherapy today. So far, the side effects from the first round where not too bad. Not looking forward to the limited diet again but I am glad to be moving forward in my treatment. I still and may never will understand the reason behind this trial but I'm gonna learn from it and move forward. I am still having some minor seizure activity that is a little unsettling. The thought of being in public and having a full blown seizure is scary. The problem with a seizure is that there is not really anything that can be done once it starts. I was asked at church last night if I have asked God why? Why me? Why cancer? And my honest answer was no! How can I accept the good things that God has given me and the question the trials? I deserve nothing short of a life in Hell separated from God. For I am just a sinner that God chose to send His Son to die for. I surely didn't deserve that. Since I have been diagnosed, others have shared their cancer stories with me and it would be selfish for me to ask why I've been burdened with cancer when I didn't ask that question for anyone else. One of my youth asked the question "Why does bad things happen to good people?" That answer is finally simple. There is no such things as good people. Jesus himself, after being called "good master" said there is none good save one, God. God made me, knows the plan He has for me, and holds tomorrow in the palm of His hand, saw fit to saddle me with this, then there is a reason and although I am required to battle through it, it doesn't require my understanding. I know that God has allowed me to reach many people through this blog even that I would not have ever met other wise. God knows what He is doing! I can't see past the end of my own nose sometimes. I do not know what tomorrow brings but I do know that God loves me and somehow, He will work this to my good. My name is Jason Horn, and I Am Second!!

When The World Looks At You Do They See Jesus?

Had the most amazing weekend. I started out with a little relaxing time as my mom and step-dad treated us to a night at the Hilton Gardens in Oxford. Unfortunately, I wasn't feeling real good, but seeing my girls enjoy the indoor pool and hot tube was worth it. Really enjoyed just getting away for a little while. Then Sunday we topped the weekend off with a trip to Philips Arena in Atlanta for Winter Jam 2012. It was as awesome concert once we got inside. But the reason I am including this in my blog is because I couldn't help but notice the actions of certain people outside the arena. The concert was a pay at the door, first come - first served concert. We got to the venue 2 hours before the doors opened and started watching. As we stood in line on the sidewalk outside the arena, an Atlanta PD officer pulled up with a prisoner transport vehicle for Atlanta Police Department. My first thought was that they were bringing inmates to the concert. It didn't take long to realize that the transport was empty. They brought it to carry away people that were attending a Christian Concert!!! I told the rookie officer that he should have an easy night there because it wasn't a regular concert but a Christian one and He laughed and said maybe. The longer we waited, the more and more restless everyone grew. People, youth groups, had been in line for over 3 hours when we notices groups of people going to the other side of the road away from where the line was forming and walking to the front of the arena and crossing over and blending in with the people at the front of the line. People were not even shy about it. They started walking right around the people in line and going to the front and "blending in". I noted the words blended in because we had a group that actually came from the front to visit some students in line in front of us that tried to get the other students to come with them. One of the boys asked them where they were in line and they said that they had just gotten there but they walked straight up to the front of the line and just blended in. I told the students that I couldn't believe that not only had actually broke in line in front of people that had been waiting alot longer than we had, but were actually bragging that they pulled it off. It made me sick to my stomach. Are these the students that we are raising in our society today? The ones that think the rules don't matter to them because they deserve better? People that had waiting in line, like they were supposed to, for hours got turned away at the door because they were sold out. As we stood there watching what was unfolding in front of us, I noticed that in almost every case, the students were being "lead" by a leader. That's when I realized that the leaders were doing their job. The good ones had their students there early and stood in line while some others just did whatever they wanted. Then I realized that for the cops working the concert traffic, there wasn't alot of difference between the crowd at a Christian concert and any other concert. Why? Some people, youth groups, church groups, and church leaders, thought that they deserved what they wanted and so what about the testimony they were creating. Some groups were even brazen enough to cut line while wearing their church and youth group t-shirts( yes it is very hard to not name names. We  know who you are and God does too.) What testimony did we leave for the people on the streets of Atlanta? What testimony did we leave for the people working the concert? When they looked at the people that call themselves His, did they see Him? I hope and pray that given another opportunity, that showing Christ to a lost and dieing world would be more important than getting 2 isles closer to the stage. As much as I love concerts, I understand that the people up on stage are just that, People. No different from you and me, and definitely not worth causing someone else to miss an opportunity to hear the gospel. Thankfully, I don't have to live with your actions, you do! Youth leaders, just remember, we expect students to act like children cause they are. Someone has to give them direction and good or bad, that is your job. Next time ask yourself, Does the world see Jesus in my actions? If not, maybe it's time to rethink your actions. My name is Jason Horn and I Am Gladly Second!!

You Never Know Who You Are Influencing!

I have really began to dislike a certain trait in people that seems to have almost reached an epidemic level. NEGATIVITY! I really don't like to hear people that are always negative. No one lives their life without something positive you could focus on. If the you can't find something positive in the people around you, that says more about you than them. In the Book of Revelation, even when God had something that He needed to address, He still found something positive also. Having worked with teenagers for the last 10 years, I've learned probably more from them than they have from me. Like anyone else all they want is to be loved and accepted and all they want out of the people around them is to BE REAL!! No one wants to spend alot of time with someone that is always tearing down everyone else. You never know who is watching you. Your influence is wide and if you publicly confess to be a Christian, you may be the only contact some people will ever have with Christ. Jesus gave us the perfect example of how to influence people. Everywhere He went, He loved people. If we as the Called Out Ones can learn to love with the love of Christ in us, we too can influence many. Not the first invitation was sent out inviting people to hear Jesus speak and yet people followed Him everywhere He went. Everyone of us has baggage that we drag along with us wherever we go. We need to learn to turn this over to God and let Him turn it into testimony. You never know you is watching. We all live different lives, faced with different obstacles and different trials. I believe that God allows this not only to draw us closer and to teach us, but that others may learn from us also. He never promised us the road would be easy, He only promised us that we will never walk alone. Please focus on letting the world see Jesus in all aspects of your life. The person or persons you lead to or away from God, may be your own loved ones. My name is Jason Horn and I Am Second!!

Reality!!

Well it's been a few day since I posted so I thought I'd take the time to share some thoughts. First of all, I am doing  good at the moment. I'm on a two week break from chemotherapy so my mouth is healing up. Will start the second round on the 19th. I will then go back in February for them to rescan both my head and lungs. Then will still be possibly facing a couple more surgeries to remove the lesions from my lungs. Kinda looking forward to getting it all over with. Well that's enough about that.
I wanna take a few moment tonight to remind everyone to be real. I heard recently that as much as 75% of the people that attend church on Sundays are lost. Do people really believe that going to church makes them a Christian? If so, stay away from the cereal isle at the grocery store so you don't become a box of Fruit Loops. A church is a building where the a group of people meet to worship and learn about our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ. Going to church is not about religion. It is about a relationship with Jesus. That doesn't mean that we will not have hard times, or sickness, or loss; it only means we will not have to face any of those things alone. The reality is, that God is real whether or not you believe in Him and to call yourself His requires a few things. He said in His book, "if you love me, keep my commandments." We should be willing to put His will first in our lives. That doesn't require anything but obedience. Trust me, I've had a hard time with that lately. But he has also revealed alot to me through this. The most important things is that I don't have to be strong or have all the answers. WHEN I'M WEAK, HE MAKES ME STRONG!! I have someone that has taken my stripes and by His stripes, I am healed. The reality is that I belong to Him not because I go to a building sometimes, but because I gave my heart to Him and chose to surrender my life to Him. I am His and He is mine!! Thank you Jesus for loving me enough to care. My name is Jason Horn and I Am Second!
 

The River!!!

You know a dream is like a river ever changin' as it flows. And a dreamer's just a vessel that must follow where it goes. Trying to learn from what's behind you and never knowing what's in store. Makes each day a constant battle just to stay between the shores.
And I will sail my vessel 'til the river runs dry. Like a bird upon the wind, these waters are my sky.
I'll never reach my destination, if I never try. So I will sail my vessel 'til the river runs dry.
To often a song seems to say exactly what we are unable to do. Unfortunately we don't get to choose what hand we are dealt. If we got to choose, none of us would choose adversity. However, that is what God uses to build our character. Anyone can celebrate during the good times. It's being able to praise God even when things aren't going well. Life is constantly changing and we have to learn to adapt with it. Some days life is good but pretending that there are no bad days is not reality. I have decided to be real and not just tell people what they want to hear so be careful asking! Life doesn't revolve around pretense. Acting like everything is OK doesn't make it better. We as Christians need to learn to recognize needs in others without having to be asked. Jesus challenged us to be His hands and minister to people in need. The last time I checked hands are for working not listening. If you have to be asked then you are missing an opportunity to minister. We need to learn to be His eyes and ears. If we are the body of Christ, why aren't His arms reaching? Some people understand what it means to minister while others seem to miss the point. If you have to be asked then maybe your ministry radar needs calibrating. We get slammed so much by people that have learned to work the system that we can't see the people that really have needs. We need to learn to look with His eyes, listen with His ears, and reach out with His hands. Let God guide us don't just focus on the people we think need help. Just because someone has enough selflessness that they won't ask for help doesn't mean they don't need it. It's not about credit, it's about ministry. We miss opportunities because it doesn't fit into our idea of ministry. It's not about you, it's all about Him!! Once we as God's chosen learn that, maybe we can start to reach a lost and dieing world. Just because someone doesn't ask doesn't mean they don't need help. Prayer works but God gave us hands and feet too. Just something to think about. My name is Jason Horn and I Am Second!!!

Under a Microscope!

Ever wonder what it would feel like to have people watching every move you make. Listening to every word you say. Well it's difficult. I started this journey and this blog not knowing what was laying in store for me. I have fought battle after battle and haven't really stopped long enough to even think about what it all means. Don't get me wrong, I have been blessed and touched by the prayer requests of so many people. People, I don't even know, stop me at Walmart and tell me that they are praying for me. Through the world of Facebook, the journey of Jason Horn is getting out. Pam is helping me sharing it with as many people as we can. People have sent emails, texts, and personal messages about how they have been blessed through watching us go through this journey. It's just scary knowing that many people are following us on this journey. I have my own expectations out of all of this and I know God will work it too my good, but I don't want people to be disappointed by the outcome or my dealings with this journey. I truly don't know what God has in store through this. I have always been a private person, and the attention is overwhelming sometimes. I have always said that I care more about what people think of God because of me than I care what they think about me. Although that still rings true, it has become increasingly more difficult to separate the two. I am not as strong as some people think I am. I have nights that I cry myself to sleep praying that God will let me see my girls grow up. How do I explain that to a group of teenage youth that are looking to me for answers? I simply don't have the answers. What do I tell people when they ask how I feel? The truth? No one wants to hear that. Next time someone asks you how you are doing, take the time to tell them and see how long they listen. People want the good news not the truth. Truth is It's hard! I am fighting cancer! That's how I'm doing! My mouth is sore, my head hurts, my joint hurts, I'm worried about what's gonna happen when my sick time runs out, I'm stressed about not being able to drive, I'm stressed about my job, I miss doing ministry. That is how I feel. When people ask how I'm doing I almost laugh. The steroid has helped me to gain 30 pounds. Nothing I own fits.I now want to loose weight more than ever. I know I have to eat, but I don't want to. I need to walk to lose weight, but my painful swollen joints make it difficult. My life sucks at the moment, THAT IS HOW I'M FEELING!! I hope that is OK to say because it is the truth. Even as I'm typing this I'm debating over whether or not to share this blog. Do people really want the truth or do they just want the feel good part? I have been blessed through this and I am truly thankful for all the prayer requests going up for my family and I! I just ask that people understand that I am a real person with fears and feelings too. Sometimes I ask that you understand when I'm rude and obnoxious. I do sometimes just want to be alone. I have learned to be alone surrounded by people. It's not personal! The medication, being sick, being dependent on others and the uncertainty of tomorrow sometimes becomes to heavy a load to bare. Living life in a fish bowl is difficult and I pray for patience through this. Thank you! My name is Jason Horn and I am Second!!

Am I Second?

A couple of years ago, I got introduced to a website call iamsecond.com. It is a website that gives some famous Christian people a venue to share their testimony. There are people on there from all walks of life. Race car Drivers, Actors, Athletes, Rockers, you name it they got it. It allows you a glimpse into there world. I adopted this website as a ministry tool not only for myself, but I also introduced it to my youth group and to groups I got the opportunity to stand up in front of. I bought stickers and bracelets that say iamsecond to remind me. I am second is a concept that is based on the will of God being first in my life. What He wants comes first. When I was a firefighter I adopted a favorite Scripture and actually wore it into battle on my helmet. The scripture was "If we live, we live for the Lord; and if we die, we die for the Lord. Therefore, whether we live or die, we belong to the Lord. Romans 14:8". Yesterday as I was looking back on my life, I was reminded of this scripture and realized the similarity with the theme of I am Second. I was kinda surprised that I had stopped using this scripture. Before I would enter a burning house, I'd quote Romans 14:8. I haven't stopped to realize until now that everyday we face is a life threatening situation. That fact got me to questioning whether or not I truly understood what it meant to be second. I've questioned my situation and questioned the reasoning behind it. I've doubted the outcome. I've found myself at times down. I had to stop and ask what changed. Before I was diagnosed on October 28th, 2011, I had no problem saying I am second. God's will for my life, is my will for my life. It was only after His will for my life went a different direction than my will did that I started to question and doubt. As long as everything was going good, I had no problems. That doesn't sound like what I've been preaching. Today is January 1st, 2012. Start of a new year. Today I pledge to trust in Christ with my life as I have in the past. He brought me out of every burning building I ever entered and I know if it be His will, He will bring me through this. But I will trust in Him. If I live, I live for the Lord; and if I die, I die for the Lord. Therefore, whether I live or die, I belong to the Lord. Happy New Year now has a new meaning. My name is Jason Horn and I Am Second!!!